Letters
What calibre fits the chamber?
Monday 14 December 2015
The following are a sample collection of the futile letters I have written to try to draw attention
to the dangers of directed energy weapons and attempt to sequester help in the process.
Some may seem insensitive, that is unavoidable, I am in a serious and desperate situation,
and am being radiated in my eyes and face even as I write this,
and more generally I am being brain raped.
Mental rape, directed energy weapons, intelligence agencies, thinking out loud
22 September 2015 at 14:40
Dear WikiLeaks.
I have had some terrible and very unusual experiences over the last few years which I did not understand initially, but through prolonged exposure and curiosity have come to understand in great detail. What I still don't know is why. I do not have official or technical documentation to offer you, but instead a personal testimony of the suffering I have had to endure through what are silent weapons.
I feel it is my obligation not just for myself but for many others to raise awareness of the silent cruelty inflicted on people, which has the potential to lead to a terminal end. At present there are no conventional authorities that can be approached to help counter this problem, as they remain ignorant of what can be achieved through technology. Also it is a catch-22 situation to describe the symptoms of this silent torture to others as it is easily dismissed as being explained through mental illness. For whatever reasons, some intelligence agencies select hapless victims to torture and experiment on, and they are getting away with it. To make matters worse, some of these victims may even suffer at the hands of a non-national intelligence agency, given that orbital altitudes are a free-for-all, as far as I know. These silent weapons have rendered us all helpless flies that can be swatted at the drop of a hat, and have the potential to slowly induce a terminal pathology, the true cause of which would remain hidden. So long as the vast majority remain ignorant of this cruel and illegal activity, the more vulnerable people are to this insidious activity.
The following describes some personal events that unfolded from April 2013 until the present, and what my confused perception of them was at the time. I have since distilled a clearer understanding of what exactly happened and how it was made possible through very advanced technology. I have thought about this technology for a long time and want to give an explanation of how I suspect it works, as I think you may then find my story more convincing if I do. This is the only other vague evidence I can muster on top of my testimony. It is however a dilemma to do so as I would rather less irresponsible people knew even vaguely how dangerous technical feats are made possible. But as I have already pointed out, the ignorant are the most vulnerable, and the technology will filter down to the mainstream eventually anyway. Through this technology I have been a victim of what is called mental and brain rape and I think it is very important that everyone should become aware of what exactly that is. Despite the severe cruelty that was formerly inflicted upon me, some of which still continues today disrupting all aspects of my life, I am at least being permitted to reveal it as if for demonstrative purposes of how much more dangerous the World has become. It remains to be seen whether I will succeed in convincing you of this, in any event I would strongly urge you to err on the side of caution. I don't know when I will be left alone or whether it will get worse, and it looks like I may not be able to pass my Ph.D. transfer on the 29th of September as I don't have a moment of peace. This interference has already obstructed me several times. More generally, I am furious that people are treated like animals in such a secretive way. There are a few other accounts on the internet which describe similar aspects of this silent torture that go back years. They can be found through search terms such as targeted individuals, gang stalking, electronic weapons, directed energy weapons, voice to skull, and the Frey effect. Though I think the authors are describing something they really may have experienced, their descriptions are sometimes confused which can be counter-productive. I am not certain of what all the reasons for such activities are, but I personally suspect that some can range from experimental research such as slowly inducing pathologies or physical damage while monitoring functionality, to questionable methods of counter-terrorism and exploitation. I hope that through my story I can shed some clarity on this inhumane criminal activity which will not go away. Given that I had a brief background in physics I may also be in a better position to understand what it is that I experienced.
A fresh start in Guildford
I first became aware of these problems two years ago, when I decided to return to academia and embark on research at Surrey University, Guildford in April 2013. I moved into an apartment at one of the University's student residences (Manor park) in which I was comfortable initially. However within the space of two weeks of my arrival, I started having such horrible difficulty in getting to sleep. Without fail, every night the pattern was that as soon as I would switch off my bedroom light I would start hearing a very subtle background noise. The noise included what sounded like gibberish as I thought I could sometimes recognise a word or phrase, often negative and insulting. I tried to ignore it assuming it was one of my neighbours playing some awful music, although there was no melody to be heard whatsoever. Despite the subtlety of the sound, even with ear plugs I couldn't block it out. I tried investigating who might be causing it. I'd spend hours listening intently trying to identify exactly what the sound was and where it was coming from, but could never triangulate the source. I made a general complaint to the residential management hoping this might achieve something, but to no avail. To make matters worse, I started violently jolting myself awake, sometimes by kicking a leg or punching my arm, or even contracting my entire abdomen. I would spend entire nights alternating between sleeping and waking, often finding myself in a sweat with heart palpitations. Even with the ear plugs in, I would also clutch my pillow hoping to marginally mitigate matters. I became so stressed I took up running to try and relax and tire myself out. This did not help either. It was only through sheer exhaustion or the occasional quiet night that I would get a chance to recouperate. This pattern went on for months right up until I left the apartment at the end of August that year. It was hell for me.
It was such a relief when I moved elsewhere in Guildford, living in a house share. Everything went back to normal. But a few months later, around March 2014 things started taking a turn for the worse again. The first unusual thing that I noticed was that the mouse pointer on my laptop screen moved by itself and generated a Skype shortcut. I became paranoid and tried to fortify my computer as best I could. In the evenings after work, I would talk with my girlfriend at the time, who was living abroad, over Skype. On one occasion I noticed that during our Skype session the audio was somehow being modulated and her voice became high pitched in a comical way. I was suspicious as I knew this was no glitch due to connectivity as the audio was smooth and uninterrupted. Then I felt a sudden stabbing pain around my heart and had to call the session to an abrupt end. I thought that what was happening to me was somehow connected with what I had experienced in the student residences. Feeling dread that I was being watched by someone, I wondered who it might be and why they were harassing me again. I went to lie down on my bed and started hearing a voice talking to me. This is when what I later heard is called mental rape, started again...
I found it hard to believe what I was experiencing and was frightened yet curious. I knew I was not imagining things. I lay on my bed the entire night listening to a voice that was talking to me. The voice was clear and authoritive and spoke at a slow and constant pace, with a neutral English accent. It was vocoded through various audio filters. Sometimes having a surreal hypnotic effect, similar to the voice of a Bene Gesserit witch from the Science fiction film Dune. On other occasions, there was a sound of a swarm of wasps in the background and the voice would intensify, inducing a state of fear. Despite the audio effects, I could tell that the voice would alternate each hour or so between a man and a woman. The process seemed like an interrogation. I just couldn't figure out where the voice was coming from, and how my whispered responses were understood, as we were having a dialogue.
Despite my state of fear, I wondered where the audio was coming from. I thought there might have been a speaker hidden within the walls, but this notion was quickly discarded, as when I left my room to go to the kitchen, I met one of my house mates who greeted me, but he seemed oblivious to the voice that I was hearing. It must have been projected directly into my head. I wondered how this was possible, as I knew I was not going mad. I went back to my room and lay on my bed again. The voice told me that I didn't need to whisper as there was a hidden camera that could lip-read, and this would avoid the possibility that others in the house would overhear me. I found this incredible but it seemed to be true, as we continued to have a dialogue, as unpleasant as this was at times.
Whoever was talking to me through this channel of communication, gave me the impression that they already knew so much about me, and in some cases they really did seem to know some obscure personal details. But it seemed they wanted to know everything. The tone was intimidating and questioning. I heard the sound of wasps and they started asking what I thought about various events that had unfolded around the World, such as Afghanistan and Iraq, [Bradley Manning], WMDs, Dr. David Kelly, Guantanamo, Israel and Palestine where I was during the London attacks, what I knew about chemistry, electronics and physics, as if insinuating that I was potentially some kind of terrorist. Then they asked about past relationships. They would anchor onto old emotional wounds, using them against me, and make me feel guilty and stupid about mistakes I may have made in the past, gradually wearing away my confidence and self esteem. I became paranoid about who I am, more uncertain in my views, and given the impression that I was a bad person. That people around me thought the worst of me, that I was some kind of laughing stock. They would call me a vegetable or make me think I had psychological issues. I was being stripped of my dignity and identity. To make matters worse, I was not able to sleep again and was physically tortured. I was zapped in various parts of my anatomy such as my head, eyes, chest, limbs, and groin. The zaps had varying intensities, mostly like momentary nettle stings, but sometimes as bad as a wasp's sting. On one occasion I also heard an intense burst of sound like a gunshot going off which was so painful on my left ear-drum. Often I was also forced to sit upright all night, being zapped if I dared to lay down again. Forced to just listen to the incessant demoralising abuse. I ended up just lying in my bed all day as I was so physically and emotionally drained. I didn't even eat properly anymore and started loosing weight as I became reluctant to go to the supermarket. On one occasion when I was in Tescos there was a sudden violent burst of energy within my bowels that almost caused me to defecate in public. I think the intention was to humiliate me. Intense pain followed afterwards, I pictured a balloon expanded close to the point of rupture. Then as I was walking home a car screeched onto the road beside me catching my attention. I tried to see who was inside but was completely blinded with darkness for about four seconds. Based on these experiences I was learning that these silent weapons could be applied anywhere, but I still wondered whether they were being carried around by individuals following me on foot or from within cars, or else some other means.
The worst night was around Easter time. I was zapped so much that I considered going to the police station in Guildford to try to explain what was happening to me. I walked towards it and was zapped all along the way. Once I got there, I changed my mind and passed on, as I thought they would think I was mad. So I returned back to the house. I got into bed hoping the zapping would subside, but things got worse. My body started heating up and I was sweating and found it difficult to breathe. Knowing that this was being caused by some incident electromagnetic radiation, possibly microwaves, I took out my emergency foil blanket that I had in case of hypothermia during hiking trips. I tried to use it to shield myself on one side, rotating to try and figure out where the incident radiation was coming from. But it didn't help, I couldn't identify any differential whatsoever. Then I was told that I should open my bedroom window and look out. I did. I started suffering what felt like a constant heart attack. I was in so much pain that I was groaning out the window in agony and started fearing for my life. Out of desperation I called the police telling them about the incident beams. They didn't seem to believe me but arranged for an ambulance to come to the house at around 6AM. I couldn't wait that long, so I walked to the royal Surrey hospital nearby myself. Along the way the voice told me that I should call my girlfriend to tell her how I felt about her. Not knowing what would happen next, I did so trying to contain my emotion as I didn't want her to know what was happening to me. When I got to A&E, the pain subsided. A doctor eventually saw me and took an ECG and a blood sample to test for a heart attack, but it came out negative. I returned to the house later that morning and was given a day of relief, but the cruelty resumed soon after. This process of zapping and bedridden insomnia went on for weeks. The emotional torture intensified, the angry voice with the swarming wasps tried to convince me that I should go and commit suicide as the process would never end. Not knowing what I could do to escape the situation or whom I could turn to for help, what little hope I had left was fading. I gave the option serious consideration. I also noticed one morning that someone had left some rope outside the door of the house to further encourage me. I just could not begin to fathom why this was happening and how anyone could be so needlessly cruel. I came to the conclusion that I just could not do it.
Up until the the end of April, I continued to endure the incessant abuse. There just wasn't any escape, I lay in my bed as my throat was slowly physically damaged by some form of incident energy. I now have oesophageal dysphagia as a result of it, which gives me discomfort in swallowing. The following morning I had an appointment to speak with my supervisor in the University. On uttering the first word I realised I could not speak. My voice was completely gone. I could only manage a husk of faint air and immediately broke down in front of him. He didn't want to pry on what was happening to me as he realised it was serious and recommended that I take a month off straight away, which I did for all of May. The day I arrived back in Ireland all problems disappeared and I had a chance to recouperate. While there I searched the web to see if there were any other cases of people suffering a similar predicament. I found plenty of sites talking about targeted individuals, electronic weapons, and gang stalking. Aspects of these stories did seem to match up with my own.
Eventually June arrived and I was optimistic in hoping that I would be left alone on returning to Guildford. I got back into the habit of working at the office. The voice did not re-appear but sadly nearly every hour or so on the dot I was zapped intensely around the diaphragm area nearly winding me. It left me in shock each time, and I found it so hard to concentrate on my work. In addition to this I sometimes felt a very unpleasant sensation around the back and sides of my head, almost like a tingling sensation along with a squeezing pressure that made me feel disorientated, and obstructed me from thinking clearly. Attempting to read a single page and understanding it would take hours. I call it mental suppression and I could not get any work done. Towards the end of June the zapping intensified again and I was so sleep deprived and became so paranoid that I even started suspecting that people around me might be involved in what was happening. But I was never certain. I could not take it anymore and wanted to return to Ireland, at least for a short break, hoping that I might be left alone afterwards.
I attempted to book a ticket online for the 20th of June. I succeeded in the purchase but never received the actual ticket in my email account even though my bank balance showed money had been withdrawn. But it was returned the following day. So then I attempted the purchase again, booking for June the 21st. This time it went through successfully. When the day arrived I made my way to Gatwick airport early in the day because I felt under pressure. I took a taxi and could not believe that while we were speeding down a motorway I was being zapped intensely. Also I remembered hearing a song on the radio that mentioned mental rape in the lyrics. I tried to hide my pain.
Once we arrived I made my way to customs and passed through successfully hoping that whoever was zapping me would not be able to do so within the airport. I was wrong. I had hours to wait before my flight's departure and during that time I was forced to pace back and forth along the corridors of the airport looking for some sanctuary. I could not escape the brief intense wasp stings. Even using the hand-drier in the bathroom was painful as the sound seemed to be painfully amplified. Eventually I gave up on the idea of waiting on the flight. I made my way towards customs again to try and leave the airport. While I was on my way the voice spoke to me and mentioned that I should try to go to the Irish embassy. I agreed thinking that I would be able to explain to someone what was happening to me there. When I got close I was intercepted by two middle-Eastern looking airport staff who wanted to know why I wanted to leave. I didn't explain, but they led me towards some police who were standing by the terminals. They were suspicious of me and also wanted to know why I wanted to leave. I didn't explain for obvious reasons and simply insisted that I wanted to. They got me to sit down on a chair and surrounded me while the rest of the customs staff seemed to have been cleared from the area. Seeing as I wasn't getting anywhere I eventually told them that I wanted to go to the Irish embassy. In an odd contradictory way they said that I could take a taxi or a train to get there but they still would not let me leave. At this point one of them took my passport and called someone on the phone but I didn't overhear what was said. Meanwhile another policeman spoke to me in a friendly but hurried manner as if to test whether I was within my senses or not. I had very little to say except to stand my ground on what I wanted to do. The voice returned and recommended that I should ask to go to special branch. Though I was suspicious of everyone and I knew the voice was potentially tricking me, I heeded the advice anyway as I thought they might be able to help. When I made the request they told me that they were special branch and that I could tell them whatever it was I knew, but I was reluctant to do so within the airport as I did not feel safe there. They were pushy but I did not give in. Then the zapping started again. I tried to maintain my composure knowing that if I started squirming in pain I would look like I was mad. Though I managed to keep still I was making such an effort to concentrate on this that they must have noticed something. Two of them then asked me to come with them and told me that they were detaining me under the mental health act. Seeing as I was sleep deprived it did not dawn on me straight away what exactly that meant, but I thought the mistake might be resolved on getting to the station and I'd then be able to explain what had been happening to me anyway. So I agreed to go with them. They led me out of the airport and into the back of a police van after which I was brought to Crawley police station.
Meditations in Crawley police station
On arrival at the station I filled in forms at the front desk. Just before my picture was taken, my left arm was lifted high by one of the police to gesture what seemed to me to be like a Nazi salute. As soon as I realised, I quickly tried to withdraw my arm but I think it was too late. Then my possessions were taken including my shoes and watch. Without a word I was led into a cell with a blocked window, a toilet and a bed. I could not believe what was happening. Nothing was explained to me. I sat on the bed and the door was closed. I thought I would only be in there for a short while but it ended up being days. Within the space of maybe half an hour I started feeling an intense pain in my head. It seemed like some inaudible high frequency sound was pounding my ears and temples. I writhed around the room in pain trying to find a position of lesser intensity. I was still not sure whether the police themselves were behind what was happening to me. I considered that the voice that had spoken to me in the past had wanted this to happen and that now they wanted me to look mad on camera as there was one in the cell. But I did not understand what organisation the voice was affiliated with. I'm not sure how long this went on for, maybe two hours. Then I lay on the bed. I felt cold even with the blanket. I stared at the fluorescent light that was left on all the time and drifted into my thoughts. Then I started hearing a horrible sound, some kind of deep humming rhythmic generator, and felt slight constant pain throughout my body, even my eyes at times, like nettles stinging, and I felt dizzy too. I thought my body was slowly being damaged with electromagnetic radiation, like being microwaved. There was nothing I could do to escape it, so I just lay there motionless, listening. The voice started talking to me again telling me the most fantastic and horrible stories. First talking about a rescue being carried out, then that one of the guards might kill me, and later about events that were unfolding in London. That there were riots, and that London bridge had been bombed. This coincided with the sound of clattering and pounding sounds coming from the other cells. Then I was told that someone I used to know had come to the station to try to help me, but was taken into one of the cells and was being raped and brutalised by two guards. At the time I really believed everything I was hearing and somehow could almost visualise it, especially in conjunction with a familiar voice. It affected me so much emotionally. It was such a horrible experience.
After what seemed to be the first day, there were differently uniformed police. They wore beige uniforms with short sleeves. I don't know who they were. One of them came into my cell and made a gesture of raising his index finger to his top lip. I think I understood the insinuation but to this day don't understand what prompted it. He didn't say much to me. Later that day I had an assessment with three psychiatrists that had come to talk to me. Finally someone wanted to know what it was that I had wanted to say when I was in the airport. I knew I was risking a lot by saying it to psychiatrists, but I assumed they understood the fundamentals of physics. I explained to them that someone had been zapping me with some kind of electromagnetic radiating weapon both in Guildford and at the airport. I didn't think it would help to mention that it was also happening in the station, and I certainly did not want to admit that I was being spoken to by some ethereal voice. It started happening again during the assessment too. I was being zapped possibly to try and make me writhe in pain so that I would look mad again, but I tried to maintain my composure all the same. When the assessment was over I was led back to my cell. Later one of the psychiatrists came to my cell with a guard and she sat on the bed next to me to talk to me. The guard stood overbearing. I don't remember what she said but I noticed she seemed to have a hint of a tear in her eye. Eventually they left. At some point I reluctantly called my mother as I did not want to worry her. It was the only number I could remember at the time, to explain that I was in some difficulty. She in turn contacted my sister who immediately flew from Northern Ireland to come and collect me at the station. I don't remember if this was on the second or third day as I had completely lost track of time. As soon as I walked out, I realised that how I experienced my surroundings seemed so different but it is very difficult to convey in what way. All I can say is that I felt very strange and disorientated.
A rest in Northern Ireland
We flew back from Gatwick the following day. My sister had left her car parked at Belfast airport previously, so we drove to her home in it. The voice returned, it told me that other people were following us on the road, and it wanted to give me the impression that they were responsible for the zapping I was feeling. I also noticed that my sister looked stressed and I was worried that she might loose control of the wheel as she wobbled on the road on some occasions which frightened me. I constantly watched being ready to grab it just in case.
We got to the house safely and I stayed there for a few days. I had not slept properly in weeks so all I wanted to do was just lie in bed all day to recover. While I did so the voice continued to speak to me and tried to convince me that it was some supernatural being. It told me more unpleasant stories. I called my girlfriend at the time just to talk to her, I didn't want to tell her what had happened but I couldn't help breaking down on the phone. She said she would rush up to see me and did so a day or so later. During the intervening time my sister arranged for health care workers and GPs to come to the house and talk to me. I did not want to speak with them as I thought they would not understand, but my sister mentioned that the police had told her that I would have been sectioned if she had not picked me up from Crawley station, and that she was obligated to have me seen to. They came to the conclussion that I would have to go speak with some psychiatrists at the nearby hospital. I did not want to, but out of concern they would not take no for an answer. So I gave in. After the assessment I was able to return to my sister's home again, and my girlfriend arrived. The day after someone decided that I had to go to a mental hospital. An ambulance arrived and the paramedics came into the bedroom. Everyone was standing there. I insisted that I was fine and did not want to leave with them. So to put more pressure on me the PSNI police were called and also showed up in the bedroom. They gave me the impression that I had no choice and that I should leave with the paramedics, so in the end I agreed thinking that it would be a short stay at the hospital anyway. As soon as the ambulance started driving, my testicles were in pain as I was being zapped again but I kept it to myself.
My initial impression of a short stay was misguided as I ended up stuck in two different mental hospitals for a period of three months. I was polite with everyone but angry inside as I was powerless to get out of the situation. I spoke with at least eight more psychiatrists none of whom were convinced on the existence of directed energy weapons and zapping. I even suggested a book they should go and read written by a respected physicist on the topic of radar which features the topic briefly. At least I was not being zapped or spoken to in the hospital though. It stopped on my arrival. But within the space of two weeks I was forced to take medication I did not need, despite the fact that I showed no negative symptoms whatsoever. I decided I would try to take advantage of my stay by asking for an MRI scan and EEG to check for possible damage, and also to see a cardiologist to have a more thorough check on my heart. I even asked for a drugs test as I questioned my own perception of some aspects of what I had experienced and explored the possibility that I might have unintentionally ingested something. It all came out clear. Though I am angry at having been suspected of having the widely encompassing diagnosis of psychosis and wasting so much time, I understand that my experiences are easier explained in such a way. But I would have to stress that some disciplines are not equipped to rationalise outside the horizons of their own expertise, and should not default to dismissal of the unfamiliar. Despite this criticism, I did get an insight into what happens in mental hospitals. It is very depressing to see sufferers of dementia, alzheimers, or even suicide attempts. I cannot falter the thorough care and attention the staff gave to some vulnerable people who would otherwise be in great difficulty.
Dublin
It was around early October 2014 when I finally got out of the mental hospital. I didn't return to the University straight away but waited until the following January. I stayed at my girlfriend's place until then, and fortunately the harassment had still not resumed. I didn't feel too guilty staying with her as we had lived together in the past when I had been working in Dublin. My girlfriend and family pressured me to continue taking the medication despite it now being optional. I hated this as I knew it was irrelevant and it caused me to put on weight, made me drowsy and sluggish. I understood that they were saying this out of concern, but I was very unhappy that they did not believe my story. I decided that I would go along with their suggestion as I anticipated that as soon as I returned to Guildford, the zapping would resume, irrespective of whether I was taking the medication or not, and that this might be a way to try to convince them of the validity of my claims... I wondered about dopamine its receptors and ihibitors, thinking the dosage seemed so arbitrarily selected. It certainly did not help shift my partial realisation of the truth.
When January arrived I returned to Guildford, and the very first night I was already being hurt by zapping again. One night I woke up with a shock as my lungs were being heated and I could not breathe, but it passed within a minute or so. I clearly had no reason to take the medication anymore, what I had anticipated had come into fruition but I was still unable to convince anyone of this reality. My girlfriend decided she wanted to end our distance relationship, though she would not say why. I suspect it was because of the difficulty of living apart. The zapping stopped as soon as I moved to another house. I tried to forget everything and focus on my work.
Berlin on foot
I thought it was all over and I could move on with my life, but things took a turn for the worse again around April. I took a week off from work and flew to Berlin to visit my father. Everything went fine until I reached the airport at Schoenefeld. I started hearing the voice again talking to me. It told me that there were people watching me who wanted to know who I was. I ignored it and walked towards the nearby train station, although I couldn't help thinking there was some truth in it. I started feeling the occasional zap too, but this time I was also being mentally suppressed. I was so dizzy it felt like I had pins and needles in my temples, I found it difficult to figure out which platform I was supposed to go to in order to get to the centre of Berlin. This should have been a trivial task as it was not the first time I had visited the city but it took around 20 minutes to achieve. Eventually I managed to get on the right train. Once in the centre I took a taxi. The voice was making me suspicious of the driver, saying that he was also watching me and wanted to know exactly which apartment my father was living in. I was reluctant to give the number as a result. It was yet another example of many where I was being made paranoid about revealing more information than is necessary. I ended up insisting that I be dropped off anywhere on the same street.
I rang the buzzer and my father let me in. I was of course glad to see again, but I didn't want to worry him with any of the horrible events I had experienced. I just mentioned work was going well and I was enjoying life in London. The first night I stayed the voice kept me awake all night giving me the impression that it was looking out for me, and that I was being watched by various other intelligence agencies, potentially even terrorist organisations. I considered what was being said but after what I had already endured I was becoming more stoic: "Whatever happens happens, there's nothing I can do about it." I had not done anything wrong and could not imagine why anyone would take such an interest in me. I stayed in bed late the following morning. I was not so talkative at breakfast. The voice would keep talking to me, and I could not concentrate on my father's conversation very well. I went back to bed after breakfast feeling exhausted but also angry that I was being harassed on a family visit. Things became more intense the following day. I did nothing but lie in bed again, and the voice gave me the impression that some jamming shield was surrounding me to protect our dialogue from being intercepted, but I am not sure whether this was really true. I could see the opposing apartment block through the thin curtain and occasionally did see an unusual flash of light which did make me suspicious. My father came into the room from time to time to check on me bringing me something to eat. I could see he wanted to know what was wrong but he respected my privacy and did not ask. Later that day, I had a very unpleasant experience. I was what the voice told me is called emotionally raped, making me prone to tears which I tried to hide under the covers at inconvenient moments. In addition to this as I closed my eyes listening to what was said, I could see imagery projected onto my retina, flashing very fast. I call it trans-cranial retinal projection. It reminds me of a scene from a clockwork orange, as there was no escaping the imagery. I can't quite remember what it was that I saw on that particular occasion. (I had similar experiences in the past though, which disturb me to the core. I saw for example the after-effects of an explosion on a street, or a frenzied psychopath with his hand in the abdomen of some hanging carcass making frantic stabbing movements, amongst other grotesque surrealism involving morphing shapes some of which I dare not describe. I still shudder when I remember some of these scenes.) The voice was telling me that it wanted to perform an experiment. I found that I could not move or speak, and then at some point my father came in during this inopportune time. He saw that something was happening and called my name asking if I was okay. I became very emotional because I did not want him to see me in this way. I could not tell why I was unable to move, whether it was a physically overpowering, hypnotic, or some other effect. It was very strange, like being rebooted and gradually relearning familiarity with your muscles. It took maybe fifteen minutes before I could even move my jaw again. It was the first time a member of my family witnessed this serious abuse. I felt so horrible that this had happened in front of him, but I did not want to explain anything. To avoid a repeat of such an unpleasant situation I opted to stay in a hotel later that day, saying that I would be more comfortable there, as I had been crashing on the couch.
The night I stayed in the hotel the voice was again making me paranoid saying that I was being watched by so many people. There was nothing I could do about it, I went to brush my teeth in the bathroom and noticed blood coming from my throat and gums. I rinsed a few times but it kept coming. Then I went to lie on the bed and listened. There were people singing and playing guitar in one of the rooms further down the corridor which was unusual. Directly outside my own door I could hear the horrible humming generator sound which I had heard the previous year in Crawley police station. It would appear anytime someone approached close to my door. I didn't know what to think. Whether the sound was projected outside the door or was directly projected next to my head. It seemed to be coming from outside in any event. The voice told me that members of another intelligence agency were in the room next door watching me. I felt myself being scanned from head to toe, stalling around my heart area. This started becoming more intensified and I was feeling some pain that was making me very nervous. The voice was apparently monitoring their thoughts, and said that they were about to kill me. There was nothing I could do. All of a sudden I heard a sound like two people dropping to the floor in the room next door. I was frightened and didn't know whether this was really happening, whether they were dead or unconscious. The voice just said that it had to intervene or I would have died. I was told that I was not safe in the hotel and that I should leave. I sneaked out, forgetting my jacket, out into the corridor and was told that I should avoid taking the lift but take the stairs instead. I got outside the automatic doors and was told that I should try to appear calm. It was late so no one seemed to be around, there was no traffic on the roads and the air was still. I was given intructions to take a left and walk towards a certain destination. Along the way I passed some scaffolding and got a jump when I heard the sound of a thud coming from one of the platforms above. I could not see who or what was there and walked on. I avoided any other scaffolding I encountered after that. All of a sudden I felt a constant downward swoosh of air. The voice told me that they were in an invisible helicopter with noise cancellation. I found that so hard to believe but I couldn't explain the downard rush of air. I thought it might be a drone helicopter but I just could not hear or see it. The voice explained to me that people were after me. They wanted me to walk around the city to draw their attention, and they would protect me. I walked on. Suddenly I felt a severe zap coming from one of the windows above me. I turned around to see where exactly it was coming from, and as soon as I did it stopped. The voice said that they wanted me to triangulate the source of the zappings I would suffer, so that they could then identify who was doing it and stop them. Depending on what part of my body I felt pain, I was able to tell where it was coming from, and by looking in that direction would give a queue to the voice that was watching me from above. I walked around for hours in this manner. As I passed by some shop windows I would hear the horrible humming generator sound which seemed to apply mental suppression. It slowed down my pace making me feel like I was walking through honey. On learning this I tried to walk briskly past the shop windows from which these sounds seemed to emanate. There were taxis that would pass me by seemingly doing drive by zappings. I was instructed that I should stare down the driver to give the impression that I had the ability to zap back, even though in reality the voice was doing this from above. The downward stream of air around me intensified at times, puzzling passers by, but it kept me cool in the otherwise still and humid night air.
(I point out that the sound of people dropping to the ground was most likely a deception.)
I encountered people with bags that I thought might be concealing various silent electronic weapons. Apparently they were part of some organisation out to catch me in a subtle way, through attrition. I felt mental suppression everywhere I went now and would stare down the occasional zapper. I felt so dizzy and sleepy I just wanted to sit down, but the voice told me that if I stopped they would catch me and I'd disappear for good. So I kept going. I was told that I should try to steal a device from someone's bag. I was hesitant, but at least approached someone asking them what they were doing standing on the street at around 4AM in the morning, then bluntly asked what was in the bag, but I could not bring myself to grab it. Naturally she was fearful of me and walked away.
A very odd thing happened when I saw two men standing on the street. The voice told me they were about to do something. I saw a sudden flash of light as a vertical red beam came down from the sky and struck them, and they disappeared. I walked up to the site to inspect, but could see no trace of anything suspicious. I can only speculate that some kind of time lapse effect momentarily paused my awareness, a more intense equivalent of mental suppression I think, allowing the men to walk away without me noticing during the intervening time, or else something else...
As the hours passed I found myself in some unknown part of the city. The Sun was rising and I was feeling freezing cold. I regretted that I had left my jacket behind in the hotel. I was exhausted and realised that my feet had become severly blistered with bubbles due to prolonged incident radiation. I hobbled slowly in pain towards what looked like a bar that was opening early. I went inside and sat down feeling better in the warmth, but I noticed almost immediately the horrible sound of the humming generator. Despite the fact that there weren't many people there, the bar-maid seemed to be ignoring me. I tried ordering some breakfast but this also seemed to be a problem. She looked angry with me and fretted back and forth between the kitchen and the bar as if with impatience. I didn't understand what the complication was and asked again. Her head started twitching, then she went to one of the staff sitting at a table whom I had presumed was a customer and asked him if it was possible, but he said no. I noticed he was eating though. I thought this was all very strange but then I made the connection between mental suppresion and the generator sound and suspected that the odd behaviour of the staff was due to this. So I tried finding where the source of the sound was coming from. As soon as I snooped around, the staff gave out to me. They seemed oblivious to what I was hearing. I went back out onto the street and hobbled on, not knowing where I was going.
I had witnessed a lot of strange things and I knew they were not a figment of my imagination. I suspected that people were either watching and after me for some unknown reason, or else they were ordinary people potentially being physically manipulated in front of me either through head twitches, looking from side to side multiple times, or even limping with a bobbing head. I even saw children doing this which could not be an act, although in that case I admit it could be explained by playfulness. I had experienced the same muscular manipulations in the past. It is not easy to disambiguate who is pretending through immitation and who is being externally manipulated. What is potentially very dangerous about this is when standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross. On one occasion my leg muscles spasmed making me almost jump in front of a car. I learned to keep a meter back from the curb after this incident.
The voice wanted me to walk around some more telling me that there was a plot to bomb various places in Berlin. I didn't know what to think. They said that they wanted me to look at anyone suspicious because apparently they could see what I could see and capture their image. (I believed it at the time but in a ridiculous way. I realise now that they could of course see what I saw but not from the same perspective. It is however possible for a man on the ground to convey more detail, especially when indoors, through what I call visual reading, which involves just thinking about what you are seeing. ) I walked past shops, bridges, churches and a synagogue watching people and inspecting areas. When I walked past a car park in front of what I think was a synagogue there were three or four people with what seemed to be cigarettes but they were using them to spit something in my eye. I passed by the same area twice and it happened on each occasion. I still don't know why. The voice told me that I should go inside the synagogue and look out for someone carrying anything suspicious. I went in and within two minutes noticed two people carrying a brown paper bag walking towards the indoor escalator. The voice tried to convince me that I should follow them up, but I was hesitant being so uncertain of what was really happening, and just left.
Later that day, the voice told me that my father had been hurt and was in a hospital. I was uncertain but worried as he had suffered a stroke over a year before, and tried taking a taxi but I wasn't sure which of two hospitals to go to. The voice did not tell me definitively which one he was in. The driver was so infuriatingly pedantic, he would not bring me to either hospital once he realised I wasn't certain of which one to go to. I selected one but he still refused to take me. I then tried taking the Strasse-bahn, but was being mentally suppressed making it so difficult for me to figure out from the map which train I needed to get on. I asked someone but they weren't any help. I took a train with some uncertainty to see where it would take me. I was confused by the names of the stops, trying to relate them to my map. Something that should have been so simple was suddenly so hard. The horrible sound of the generator started humming again. I didn't understand why no one else was remarking on it. At some point I got off the train, I don't remember where, and tried taking a taxi again. I changed my mind about attempting to go to one of the hospitals, not trusting the voice, and decided it would be easier to go back to the apartment to check if my father was there first. The driver took me, and fortunately I found that all was well when I got there.
I stayed for another day at my father's place. He had been worried about me, but did not ask what had happened. I was surprised to see that he had gone to the nearby hotel and collected the jacket I had left behind in the hotel previously. We went for a stroll around the neighbourhood and opted to go to a restaurant. While we sat together I listened to him but I could not talk to him. The voice convinced me that I was being watched and read by others and that I should make an effort to hide my thoughts about what had happened. It was so unpleasant, while trying to pretend everything was normal in front of my father. But I think he realised something was up. When we left I noticed people walking behind us, and I would hear this very high pitched sound piercing my ears of keys rattling in someone's pocket. I thought someone was using some projective acoustic device on me aggressively but my father did not seem to notice this. However I could see that he became emotional all of a sudden as there tears in his eyes and he wanted to sit down on bench for a moment to catch his breath. We both pretended nothing was happening, I could not begin to explain anyway. But I knew he was being, what I later learned is called, emotionally raped, which is in fact a very physical thing. I stayed in the apartment a day or so more and after two days of hobbling around was in serious need of a shower, but I was frightened to take one, as knowing the potential microwaves can have, I thought that I might be scalded if I did. But gave into the necessity in the end, setting the temperature to cold and being ready to jump out if need be. (I had learned on 'one' occasion that such cruelty is possible at least when urinating, but realise how this could be dismissed.) I took the plane back to London a day or so later.
Down and out in London
As soon as I got back to the house the voice convinced me that I needed to leave again. It was making me think that there was something troubling going on in Guildford. I was given the impression again that I was being watched in the house, and that I was in danger. Because of this I was fearful and was manipulated into going to London. I don't remember what I thought I was going to achieve by going there at the time, but I left the house non-the-less. On the way to the train station I felt the downward-rushing air again. I was surprised that no passers-by seemed to notice. The traffic on the road somehow seemed strange to me. There was a more rapid and constant flow of it which I didn't remember seeing before, but then my perception of things was confused at the time.
When I got to the station I took a train heading towards Waterloo station. I sat down and heard the voice tell me that people around me had been taken control of by someone else, as if possessed, and that they were watching me and listening to my thoughts. I felt very uncomfortable but tried to ignore the fact. The train speeded up more than I thought was usual. The voice told me that the train driver was being manipulated by someone else and that I should try and do something about it or the train might derail. I worried and thought I should check as I was under the impression the train was going too fast. I rushed to the front of the carriage and tried opening the door, but it was locked. I can't remember whether I knocked or banged on it. The voice encouraged me to try and break it open and so I did. Strangely, I saw a flash of blue while I tried jolting it open with my entire body weight behind the handle. It wouldn't budge. After maybe a minute of this the driver came out and spoke to me, calmly reassuring me that there wasn't any problem. It was lucky he didn't call the transport police. I went back to my seat feeling relieved. One of the en route stops was Wimbledon and somehow I was manipulated into getting off there even though it wasn't my original intended destination.
I ended up strolling around the streets of Wimbledon, back and forth. Listening, considering, being convinced and confused by various stories. As evening became night I sat at a bus shelter. The voice finally told me who they were. MI6 para-normal research division, and they said that something very serious was going on in London. I did not understand why they wanted to talk to me, but they gave me the impression that they were helping me. At some point in the early hours of the morning I made my way towards what I later learned is Morden. Along the way I saw people that MI6 told me were actually ghosts, and that I should hide under my jacket's hood and look to the ground in order to avoid drawing their attention. If I looked them in the eyes I might provoke them, as they would then know everything about me and sense my emotion which apparently was painful for them to realise. Sometimes I was followed close behind by a ghost, and I would feel a metallic cutting pain in my back, similar to the zap, which would cause me to turn around. The ghost would quickly look away when I did and move away. Even the pigeons were somehow supernatural as when I would look up at one on a branch I would see a flash of white light glinting, and get a zap or be mentally suppressed as a consequence. On some occasions I would see a ghost further up the street walking along, but they did not appear to have solid feet. A shimmering mirage-like affect obscured where their legs would otherwise be. I was so convinced of this frightening supernatural reality all the more by what I later realised are sophisticated parlour tricks. I had physical pain in my feet, legs and various other anatomy which I had first developed in Berlin, but my curiousity helped overcome it. My state of confusion led me to abandon what I would do in the future, I had no plan. All I could do was try to understand what was happening around me, to try and make sense of it all. And so I considered everything MI6 was telling me, though I was wary of them at the same time. Especially given what had happened before.
I made my way back from Morden towards Wimbledon and on towards a park beside a police station. This time I was manipulated into believing that someone I knew had just been arrested and was being held within the station and that they might be in danger. I peered through the gates and then a crack in the door. This raised the suspicion of three police who came over to me. They questioned who I was and what I was doing outside the station. I can't remember what exactly it was that I told them, as I was being mentally suppressed at the time and must have appeared either drunk in my slow slurred state or else on drugs. I could not tell who was doing this; whether it was the police; or MI6, but apparently the latter were now helping me. Whoever it was, I remained polite and eventually the police walked away. As soon as they were gone, MI6 convinced me to go into the station to check. I went inside and spoke to another officer behind the administrative desk. Fortunately he didn't seem aware of the others who had just spoken to me before. Out of concern I asked if the person I knew was being held in one of the cells. They told me they didn't know who I was talking about. I persisted for a while but eventually accepted this and went to sit down on one of the seats in the waiting area. Sitting upright I seemed to black out instantly. When I woke up again it was morning, and I was surprised that I had slept so well.
I walked out onto the street, it was a sunny day which put me in good spirits. I didn't think I was surrounded by ghosts anymore though. People seemed to be going about their normal day walking to work, taking buses, drinking coffee. I went to sit down at one of the bus shelters and watched the people around me. MI6 told me that there were witches that were curious about me and wanted to see who I was. I dared to peer from under the brink of my hood at a woman who was approaching me. Her face flickered from side to side. I could not believe my eyes. I wasn't sure whether I was more afraid than curious. Even if I had been able to, I didn't think there was any point in running. They did not seem menacing. Another two arrived after, flickering, and waited at the stop. Then they got on the next bus, leaving me wondering.
I walked all around London for about a week. I was in constant dialogue with MI6 who confused my sense of reality more and more through both physical and conceptual manipulation, though I did not know this at the time. They had even convinced me to stop talking to people. I really did not know where I was going or what I should do, I was so confused. Returning back to the house in Guildford wasn't an option, as I thought at the time. Even if I had wanted to, I had run out of what little money I had left on my debit card. I slept either on the streets, sitting in bus shelters, an open office, or in the warmth of a tube station. When my cash ran out, I started going into newsagents and take-aways begging for food. With my hood over my eyes saying nothing I'd hold out my hands hoping for some charity, or else pick up two items gesturing that I had no money. This worked on some rare occasions. I'd go into bars for water to wash each day. Despite the discomfort, I enjoyed becoming more familiar with London, and trying to unravel the confusion within my warped realities, which felt like solving a mystery. Though at times these depressing realities would reduce me to silent tears, especially in conjunction with emotional rape. Late one night I passed a bar playing live Elvis music and distinctly remember hearing the lyric "I just can't help believing." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't remember what day it was, but things really reached a crescendo when I thought it was the end of days for all of us. I know it doesn't seem plausible to believe one incredible reality after the next, and I am so surprised that I did given that I am such a skeptical person, but MI6 managed to convince me that London was one of many cities that was being infiltrated and gradually taken over by aliens. On occasion I would hear the horrible sound of the humming generator in bars, shops or even out on the street, and was led to believe that these aliens were controlling people through it. In conjunction with this, I was told that people were being hypnotised in their homes when they slept at night, to program behaviours with event triggers. I am not sure what these behaviours were supposed to be, but I sometimes heard this unusual whistle sound which I thought might be some kind of trigger. I found this reality so upsetting and did not know what to do. I continued ambling around, surprised that people around me seemed oblivious to what was happening. As I walked along a busy street I suddenly blacked out, as if I had sudddenly developed narcolepsy. I don't know how much time had elapsed, but when I resumed consciousness I found that I had been caught in the arms of someone sitting on a granite bench. Feeling embarrassed I apologised instantly, thinking I had collapsed on top of him. Later at some point I went to take a rest sitting outside a bar drinking some water. An American or else Canadian, I'm not sure which, went to sit down opposite me. He was wearing an unusual jacket which said 'global operations' on it, and was looking at what looked like a smart-phone with a keyboard. MI6 spoke to me saying that he was an alien in disguise and that he was holding a device that they wanted me to try to steal, as this would greatly help counter the infiltration. I was hesitant as I believed what I was told but had a lingering doubt that made me cautious. Up until that point I had not done anything to anyone or anything. But I was more inclined to believe that I should attempt to steal the phone, as it was in the limits of what I would dare to do, and my sense of reality really was skewed at the time. So I sat straight looking towards him, waiting for an opportunity. He seemed to notice and went inside the bar. I followed him, standing close. He said something along the lines of 'keep away'. So I did momentarily, pretending to look for the toilet. He went to sit down and had his back to me, with his left hand on a table and the phone-like device beside it. I waited for him to remove his hand but he didn't. MI6 reminded me that this was critical, that if I managed to grab it I should run out onto the street and they would instruct me where to go and arrange for me to meet someone. I pretended to casually walk past the table and attempted to grab the device. He held on and was very strong. Suddenly three others who appeared to know him stood behind me, and one of them grabbed me in a powerful bear hug that nearly winded me. Much to my embarrassment I was zapped in my bowels in conjunction with this, which almost caused me to defecate again (similar to what had happened in Tescos the previous year). The American-or-Canadian angrily gave out to me and said to the staff that he wanted them to call the police. The other three restrained me until then. I said that I urgently needed to use the toilet and so they let me go while guarding the door. I didn't know what to do, and just waited, but when the police arrived I heard pounding on the door. So I came out and saw that the three were still there, but the first American-or-Canadian had left. One of the three who had glasses, looked at me in an unusual way with his arms folded, as if quietly considering something. Then the police took over. They brought me outside standing beside a van. They said that I allegedly attempted to steal a phone. I denied this asking where the accuser had gone and pointed out that I had no phone. I said confusingly that at the time, I had felt a sudden panic attack and attempted to leave the building. They considered this for a moment, but decided on taking me away in the police van. I sat inside with some kind of black internal mesh surrounding me. MI6 perpetuated the belief that they were aliens, and that I could verify this by tearing at the skin on their cheeks to reveal lizard skin underneath. I thought that whether this was true or not I would not want to provoke anyone any further, and so remained calm and quiet. (Trapped in the mesh it wasn't an option anyway.) I think my silence may have convinced the police that they were mistaken, and so after 10 minutes or so of driving they let me out onto the street again. Leaving me wondering.
Coming back to my senses
After a week of being manipulated, warping my sense of reality in so many ways, I tried to find my way back to Waterloo station. When I got there, I realised that I 'was' able to buy a ticket as my empty debit card allowed me to overdraw. Getting back to the house was a relief, taking a shower again. I was however surprised to discover that one of my house mates had been in contact with my family and the police, as I had been reported missing by them. A post had been made on my behalf through Facebook asking friends if they had known of my whereabouts. This triggered a realisation of how serious my disappearance had been. Even some of the staff within my department in the University became aware of what had happened much to my chagrin. It took weeks for me to recover, but even longer to understand what had happened to me.
My life has been disrupted by MI6 ever since. The people talking to me tell me they are apparently not intelligence officers but something different. It seems there are two of them, a man and a woman. Though they are cruel in their actions, they seem reasonable and calm in how they speak to me now. They have so many clever tricks that entice me to consider whatever they say, sometimes by leveraging pain against me, and sometimes by indulging my ego. From what I've gathered, it seems they like to understand people and their behaviours in order to perfect the art of manipulation. They probably know me better than anyone at this point. They force me to consider difficult dilemmas, sometimes crossing the lines of taboo, to understand how I would handle them in a fair way, which I have to admit can be very interesting yet complex to explore. However I still cannot tell whether they are disrupting and overwhelming every aspect of my life for research purposes, or what the true over-arching goal in these efforts is that I am being exploited for. I am infuriated by their intermittent cruelty and relentless disruption of my time. I cannot get any work done anymore. I cannot resume my normal life. But there is nothing I can do about it. I still get frightened sometimes. For example last I felt like I was being strangled in my sleep. I am not sure if this was achieved through a muscular manipulation of the epiglottis or a severe stiffening of the muscles in my neck. I woke up out of breath in any event. I don't know where this will all lead. In light of constant exposure, I am worried that I may even develop some unpleasant surprises in the future.
Whether I like it or not, I have been coerced onto a path that leaves me with little choice. I want to share my experiences and understanding even if it means discrediting my reputation for life, as I don't think the general concept of physical, emotional, and mental manipulation is really understood amongst the wider public, or how powerful exploiting information can be. Though I am opposed to such practices being applied to innocents such as myself, I cannot deny acknowledging how sophisticated and infinitely more interesting this is than what features in some Hollywood productions. It must have its uses in 'actual' criminal contexts, though the jury is still out for me on whether even that should be permissible.
The reality is that various parties seem to be watching me. I've been led to believe that I am being used as some kind of text-book example of what mental rape is. I am not certain of who these parties are, whether even my manipulators really are MI6 or someone else, as from time to time they utter the memorable phrases:
'We are not who you think we are.'
'We are someone different.'
I have been told that when I am out I am being watched by MI5 and even foreign agencies. I don't know what the reason is. I don't understand the dynamic between MI5, MI6, GCHQ or other, and whether they share what they know amongst each other. These days when I go out for a drink or dine in some restaurant, I often hear some pertinent remarks coming from the people around me that seem to relate to things about me. Sometimes I hear random threats uttered under the breath by passers-by. I think this is what gang stalking is. I suspect that it is designed to either intimidate or else understand a person by observing their subtle reactions to different queues, possibly as a means of verification. In addition to this, given that reading thoughts is now possible, I can't help thinking that some comments aim to prompt related avenues of thought in order to learn more about the person in question.
Reading thoughts, its really possible!
Edward Snowden exposed gross invasions of privacy, and gave society the chance to decide for itself whether it is acceptable or not. I am still uncertain where the line between security and privacy should fall as it is clearly a compromise. However torture and experimentation are clearly a violation of human rights. But I digress... What would the greatest invasion of privacy be, do you think? Reading your thoughts perhaps? It is happening. And it is not as difficult as you might think, as it does not entail monitoring neural synapses as some are misled to believe. A surprising biological phenomenon is being exploited. Though you might not realise it, every thought/word you think causes muscles within your throat, including your tongue and Adam's apple amongst others, to make subtle movements. These collections of muscular movements can be compiled subjectively and correlated with each corresponding thought/word, as a person is speaking. It is a precision sensing and recognition problem. The sensing of these muscular movements does not have to involve electrodes attached directly to a person's throat, it can be achieved remotely at vast distances using what is essentially radar technology, which now has incredible tracking and precision. What I find horrible about this is that the incident radiation must be sufficiently intense for the resulting reflection to be picked up again at distance, and accumulatively such exposure is likely to have deteriorating consequences on health. The other component that makes reading possible is machine learning: Powerful classification algorithms, such as random forest, can interpret slightly deviating variations of the characteristic movements and map them onto words. To make reading even more robust, what I call 'mind maps' subject to an individual can be constructed. I suspect that these are a collection of tree structures, where each node represents words, and vertices probabilistic transitions of one word being followed by another (essentially a multi-path Markov chain). Multiple trees of a short depth then encapsulate typical speech patterns, and can be used to compensate for movements which are sometimes misunderstood. Such technology is actually very similar to the control system within electronic prosthetics... I can see how this reading technology may be useful, when for example in the court room, facing a polygraph truth test, or for people with difficulty in communicating as for example physicist prof. Stephen Hawking. But should authorities be given the right to do this at a whim? This is clearly a revolutionary technology that will have a huge impact on society, but what will the long term consequences of it be? I fear that it may hinder creative freedom as individuals would more likely be pressured, whether directly or indirectly to conform. I think the only way to mitigate this is to first off, raise awareness of the fact that it is possible and is already being used. And secondly, that it should only be used under extenuating and just circumstances, if at all. In addition to this, there is clearly now a need to build personal detectors for this illegal invasion of privacy of the highest order and we may have to inconveniently wear Faraday scarves.
It is possible sometimes to tell if you are being read. You may notice a warmth around your Adam's apple or the back of your throat. This can also cause a croaky sounding voice.
Torture through directed energy weapons and acoustic projection
They are described as anti-personel. Yes, that is certainly one way of putting it. Directed energy weapons can induce numerous biological effects that I can personally testify to.
These are; Muscular manipulation by stimulating ion channels in motor neurons to achieve isolated twitches or more complex movements such as looking from side to side or jolting limbs via regional incident electro-magnetic radiation; Sleep deprivation through muscular jolting; Meninge squeeze which induces the most painful headaches around the meninges and/or eyes; Bleeding throat tongue and gums; Major blisters in the feet through intense exposure; Severe pain in the heart/lung area sufficient to warrant an immediate visit to the hospital; Precise zapping within various parts of the anatomy which feels like nettle or wasp stings, squeezed testicles, or a pin in the eye, this can also induce sneezing when applied to the nose; The sensation of cigarette burns around the top of the head potentially to expedite the development of monk's pate; Temporary blindness also known as dazzling; Trans-cranial retinal projection used when lying in bed, achieved through some sort of RGB array; Temporary vocal damage to the point of being completely unable to sound words; Oesophageal dysphagia; Difficulty breathing due to some manipulation of the lungs that causes slight heating; Strangulation in sleep, potentially through a manipulation of the epiglottis or tensing the neck muscles to restrict the airway passage.
There are other effects I have experienced. But I am not certain even vaguely how they are achieved. From reading some of the papers by Dr. Frey, I speculate that they may be induced by variations of broadly incident electro-magnetic pulses that overwhelm natural brain waves. I don't know much about alpha or beta waves in the brain, but my crude understanding is that they are simply waves of ion propagation through the nerve channels at characteristic frequencies. Incident pulses could force these in a controlled manner. Given that muscular manipulation is possible I also wonder whether it is possible to stimulate different hormonal glands, but my understanding of biology is very limited. The effects I experienced which I think may be explained by these are; Severe emotional distress; Calmness even in a stressful situation; Severe aggression dwelling on rage; Mental suppression which makes simple tasks very difficult and feels like a combination of pins and needles and pressure around the temples, along with dizziness and disorientation; Narcolepsy or blacking-out, although this may be caused by a temporary interruption within blood circulation; Time lapse seems to be somewhere between mental suppression and narcolepsy. Even while standing, awareness can be paused.
What frightens me about these effects is that prolonged exposure could lead to more serious pathologies the true cause of which is then camouflaged within an erroneous diagnosis.
Through what I suspect is the interference of multi-source beams originating from multiple satellites, intense bursts of energy can be focussed at a point to generate either stimulating electromagnetic fields, or disruptive propagating pressure fronts. The latter of these can in turn create harmful claps of sound, impel small objects such as leaves, or project an audio signal arbitrarily in space. (I also suspect that it may explain the heart pain I experienced by disrupting circulation, and also a sudden burst of pain in the bowels.) This is an incredible demonstration of extreme precision at distance. The advantage of a many multi-source energy transfer is isolated focus, with lesser effect along the transit path. I am not sure how exactly it is done, but I think the downward moving air currents, I experienced, were generated somehow with downward sweeping discs of pressure fronts, possibly a series of them moving co-axially (as oppose to the previously mentioned red-herring that was the silent invisible helicopter).
In addition to the above, somehow precise sampling of submillimetric oscillations of solid objects even indoors can be remotely sensed with incident beams. These beams in turn reflect off a target of interest, returning I suspect in a v-shaped transit path to another reciever. Given that these beams must pass through rooves and walls, I don't understand how the site of the reflection is determined. This focussed remote sensing of vibrations can then be used to sample environmental acoustics, as well as the movements of muscles within the throat in order to achieve reading of thoughts. On some occasions when I was in a bar listening to music it was remotely sampled and relayed directly to my ear at painful intensities forcing me to have to leave.
The robust tracking of an individual for reading, even when in transit on a train or a plane as I have experienced, suggests very sophisticated computer vision. Knowing this alongside the fact that more harmful intense energy bursts are possible, leads me to speculate that perhaps multiple targets could be very discriminatively incapacitated or worse. This would then beg the questions: How many, and in what fraction of a second?
This leaves me to conclude that satellite-based directed energy weapons are the most advanced, precise, and multi-functional weapons there are. Despite the fact that I appreciate the technical sophistication, being on the receiving end, I know first-hand how nightmarish they are. This leaves me wondering what impact this technology will have on society in the future, as the potential for reading even thoughts and silent censorship is already here. This demands serious consideration now.
Microwave auditory effect
It seems there may be another means of projecting an audio signal other than through pulsing of generating pressure fronts in proximity of the ears. I cannot find an explicit description and again have to speculate about this. It may be that at some particular carrier frequency, possibly within the microwave range, an audio signal can be induced directly into the auditory nerves, again through amplitude modulated pulsing. I have heard sounds no one else could hear through this means. It allows for secretive communication or else silent harassment.
Another very unpleasant variation of this form of harassment is what I call thought injection. I don't know how this is done exactly. I think that a remote thought is injected into your mind through audio, somehow giving you the impression that you are the original author of that thought, much like a random fleeting thought. The question is then: How is your mind tricked into mistaking this audio-thought as being your own? I don't know about this detail. It 'may' be through target-immitated-voice at sub-consciously or barely-percptible audible intensities.
This form of harassment may seem trivial, but when used in conjunction with reading of thoughts and relaying to gang-stalking members, can be incredibly humiliating. As embarrassing even dangerous thoughts may be injected giving the impression of authorship. Through prolonged exposure to this process, and the knowledge that all, even the most private thoughts are being heard by many gang-stalking members, an unusual pyschological phenomenon occurs: The victim constantly battles internally with these embarassing thought injections by attempting to suddenly divert attention to another topic. The easiest way to achieve this is to quickly look around and see what is in front of you. I call this visual reading which could be useful in another context, to quickly describe what is around you in places where a remote reader can not see so clearly. With time, this conditions the victim to have negative undesirable thoughts when prompted by even the most tenuous associations. I call this mental tourettes. Also, it takes just a single exposure to a negative meme to contaminate your mind with it.
Torture through mental rape and brain rape
I have already described the many abilities of directed energy weapons and there biological affects, but it is not necessarily clear which combinations can be categorised as mental rape. I would say that any overwhelming of the senses whether they be vision, hearing, or even tactile through zapping fall under this category. Emotional rape is something in its own right but I think may also be encompassed within mental rape too.
In my experiences I have not always spoken with people through this channel. Many times, I have instead had the great displeasure of inescapably interacting with a computer. It seems to be used as an automated means of extracting information. I would hear statements and questions being made followed by random garbled sounds only breaking the loop once I had a new thought. My intuition tells me that, on having been prompted along a certain avenue of thought, the intention of the garbled sounds is to entice the listener to disentangle some meaning from them, which in thought is hard to resist. It is possible that these garbled sounds are a phonetic merging of keywords that relate to the statement or question just presented, and essentially prompt the listener to fill in any blanks or steer any factual forks the computer may not yet have ascertained. Further verification can be made through random repetition. This is not just a means of harassment but also of interrogation. Another interesting aspect of this automated process is that it is driven by the thoughts of the victim in question. This gives the impression of a more sophisticated AI similar to ELIZA, possibly even deluding the individual into thinking they are communicating with a person (Turing test?). Lastly I believe that this process helps to construct what I call 'mind maps.' These do not just encapsulate everything known about the individual, but also subjectively encode word sequences probabilistically. I would imagine that this makes the reading of thoughts more robust, but can also be used in the context of thought injection where the individual becomes uncertain of whether they are the true authors of their own thoughts, as typical speech patterns can then be immitated. What I think is very significant about this means of sophisticated interrogation is that it renders torture to extract information, whether it was ever even effective, very much redundant. Whether it be a person or a computer, mental rape is relentless. The longest duration of mental rape I have gone through, all day every day is 6 months, though it happened previously too. I have not been able to do anything but listen and try to hold onto my Ph.D. research project as best I can, but the reality is, I cannot do anything because of it.
Another horrible and painful experience I sometimes must inescapably endure in the ubiquitous room 101, is what I think is called brain rape. This term has been mentioned to me by my manipulators, but they do not make it absolutely clear what exactly this pertains to, as I am often presented with alternating complementary statements designed to make me uncertain of everything I hear. In essence, it is another variant of painful physical torture where the victim feels nauseas, and an extreme headache possibly worse than migraine is induced in one of the brain hemispheres, somewhere between the temple and one of the eyes. In conjunction with this, occasional pressure bursts that pop anywhere within the brain, meninges, sinuses or back of the throat occur. These are not necessarily painful, but I am very worried that they may have caused accumulative physical damage. Alongside this the brain rapist leverages what painful emotional wounds they can against the victim. Words alone can be so dangerous. Lastly emotional rape is used to amplify this affect. This can go on for an entire day.
I think that mental rape which can also be painful does not cause permanent physical damage, whereas brain rape, as the name suggests is a more extreme variant of mental rape which can also cause minute yet accumulative structural damage. I think I obtained oesophageal dysphagia during a brain rape session.
Links
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microwave_auditory_effect
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Directed-energy_weapon
http://www.nasa.gov/centers/ames/news/releases/2004/subvocal/subvocal.html
http://www.nasa.gov/centers/ames/research/technology-onepagers/human_senses.html
Possible counter measures?
From the perspective of the ordinary individual it is very difficult to envisage what could be done to counter this. Proof is something I was not able to sequester, as I cannot afford the luxury of a pocket-portable spectrum analyser. Would it be possible to pick up on when your thoughts are being read? I do not know what the carrier frequency ranges are, but given that the sensitivity must be able to resolve the minutest muscular movements, I would imagine the wavelengths are sub-millimetric. I do not know what order of magnitude the intensity of the incident radiation, involved in reading, needs to be in order for a reflection to be detected by a remote receiver. But it would clearly be constrained by the attenuation on the return path. In addition to this, I think the incident radiation is very localised and line-of-sight. What ever the frequencies and intensities involved and whether the issue of line-of-sight can peripherally be detected, it would be very helpful if mobile phone manufacturers were to take these matters into consideration. A detector is somewhere between a restricted spectrum analyser, a radiometer, with cognitive microwave intelligence as the frequencies may be masked within commercial bands. This could also account for painful zapping, or look out for characteristic pulses on those carrier frequencies akin to alpha or beta brain waves.
A simple Faraday scarf with inter-woven copper might also be a solution to keep you thoughts private, even generating a local electric field, when triggered by incident radiation above a certain intensity.
The dilemma of revelations
What has been described here are my personal and ongoing experiences, and an attempt at understanding them. I don't believe revealing this will stop the activity from happening, but it could at least safe-guard against the possibility that innocent victims end up becoming detained or even sectioned by conventional authorities. Also, it may be of some consolation to those that are in the pangs of pain and confusion to at least understand what is happening to them, and to realise that they may be being exploited for some unknown purpose. By making this practice public knowledge, they may then be less reluctant to report to various authorities that they are for example 'hearing voices' or being zapped. Possibly something could then be done about it. This applies in the scenario where the culprits are not national governmental or even a legal entity at all. Stating mental or brain rape victimisation does have the danger of becoming a catch-all for people genuinely suffering mental illness. Despite this, I think it is frighteningly important that health professionals become aware of this practice, as it is possible that it could take place within mental hospitals whilst being dismissed as an illness. I myself have experienced it in the context of a police prison cell and would want the same to apply there. Sadly this crime will inevitably become an increasing problem as such technology filters down to those that don't already have it.
On the other hand I can envisage situations where such practices when carried out by a national governmental organisation could be of benefit when applied to elusive or evasive criminals in order to coerce them onto a conventional path of justice. Personally I am uncertain on whether such practices should be considered permissible. Do the ends sometimes justify the means?
(***)
The problem with revealing all this information is that either states with an attrocious track record on humanitarian rights or even organised criminal gangs, may take note of what is written here to suit their own designs. For this reason I would really like some advice on what details should be omitted before submitting this letter to a wider audience. The notion of more terrestrial varieties of this technology falling into the hands of power-hungry organised criminals with varying agendas frightens me so much more. Perhaps they already are aware of some of the things I have written about here. To hammer my point as I think it is necessary, so that you will consider my request more seriously, let me reference some past events which I am not trying to imply have anything to do with this malpractice, but given that I know mental or brain rape has the potential to be exploited in some of the most dangerous and horrible ways, just think of the likes of Anders Brevik Norway, Andreas Lubitz Germanwings, Seung-Hui Cho Viginia Tech.
I look forward to anyone's comments and suggestions, or even help.
Best regards,
K.
In humanity we trust
25 September 2015 at 17:46
Dear *.
There is something horrible that has been happening to me since my arrival in Guildford, which I have been reluctant to talk about openly. Everybody I have defaults to dismissal of the unfamiliar. It has disrupted my personal life in a very heavy way as well as my work in CVSSP. At the moment I cannot get anything done whatsoever and I am furious about it, because I know that I could do well if I was not constantly obstructed.
I am a victim over here of what I have been told is called mental and brain rape. Every single infuriating day I am being harassed and even physically tortured. I hate this so much and I cannot do anything about it. I do not want to give up what I started, as I have some great ideas which would be more easily attainable on finishing my Ph.D.
I cannot obtain evidence of this malicious activity. I need a very sensitive audio pickup to record what is being projected close to my head, relentlessly. And/or a microwave receiver.
I have contacted various well known people and written to WikiLeaks, though I want to keep my name anonymous if I can.
Lastly I don't know what to do about the presentation. I simply cannot get anything done. My tormentors are such cruel relentless people. Would you have any advice, is there a way I could postpone the transfer yet again, and this time really try get evidence of this horrendous cruel practice?
Rather than read what I have written here please see the updated attached letter describing my experiences and also similar here:
https://wikileaks.org/gifiles/docs/16/16811_fw-impeach-these-criminals-please-with-100-attached-torture.html
Regards,
[K.]
Letter 3
26 September 2015 at 17:14
Hello *.
I am in a difficult position, as you may have noticed in the past, but I was reluctant to really explain what was happening to me before. I no longer have a choice. I have to tell you in detail, as I really don't want to loose my Ph.D. Please see the previous forwarded messages.
I don't expect miracles but it would be very helpful to me if it were possible to postpone the transfer again. If you know about audio pickups, microwave receivers, and radiometers that would also be a bonus.
Please don't circulate this further than is necessary. I plan to talk to you and prof. Illingworth on Monday about this matter.
Best regards,
[K.]
Judge Dredd & Anderson
30 September 2015 at 21:54
Hello *.
You know what I sent you last time, and it seems you are starting to at least give some consideration to what I have written.
My life is being destroyed piece by piece in many different forms. I thought the mental/brain rape would stop at some point, but it seems it won't. I did my transfer yesterday, and due to constant obstruction/harassment and intermittent torture (depending on my thoughts), I was unable to pass it. I intend to appeal this as I know my work (even with the obstruction) is of a high standard, but I have to try to solve this serious problem first. I thought that it would stop after the transfer. It hasn't, and now I am being told that it will continue in the future, even when I inevitably will attempt to return to industry in the future. I have 6 months to finish my MPhil and I can't even work to attain that anymore. In addition to this I am being told that your lives are being threatened or that you may suffer the same fate as me, if I escalate this further. This kept me quiet for a while, but I realise now that this could happen anyway in a subtle manner, and already may have without it being realised in the past. So I thought it is probably a better idea to at least 'try' to blow the lid off this cruel mediaeval and pointless practice. (Many have already tried, but few seem to understand, as it is very difficult to prove, and it may appear like magic to the technically inept. I haven't even described the best parts, but it would be counter-productive to write about them.)
In relation to this, despite his age, I am still suspicious about Dad's stroke, given the timing of it as it happened soon after I spoke with a friend about hard times, as many had, in WWII. Then the day you called me to impart the unfortunate news, I went outside immediately afterwards to get some phone credit, and saw some stranger close by the house with a smug smile who wanted to shake my hand, as if to rejoice in Schadenfreude. I walked on... Speaking of which, I get a lot of pass remarkers these days. I've had random people in London make death threats towards me, or immitate the uncontrollable spasms I get from time to time, and then TRUST was mentioned this morning, I'm not sure why.
I don't know where this is all going to end up, and I hate involving you. But you know about electronics. I have already tried sequestering help from the electronics department here in Surrey Uni. to obtain proof on what is happening to me, but it seems they are not even willing to consider what I have said, not even in a methodical way, to try to rule out the possibility with equipment that they might have. Maybe the Scientific method isn't emphasised all that much in some disciplines. Instead they keep suggesting the well-being centre (which would help under other circumstances, but most certainly 'not' this one). I've already jumped through that hoop anyway and it has not worked any wonders. Can you or someone you know in Intel help me with a sensitive audio pickup and some wide-band AM/FM receiver/dictaphone, and a radiometer. (My Gauss meter which has shown some serious coinciding swings isn't appropriate as I need to record.) I HATE what my tormentors/torturers are doing to me, and cannot believe that this practice is subsidised by the state. I am hoping German intelligence does not resort to this vile inhumane and USELESS practice...I really want to blow the lid off this barbaric activity if I can, not just for my own sake, but because this has and continues to happen to other people, and I suspect even results in many suicides, or even terminal lung brain/cancers. For what useful purpose I can only speculate. Speaking of which I noticed Gerry Conlon died on the day I requested to go to the Irish embassy when I was detained in Gatwick airport.
One story I was initally reluctant to mention in the letter, that happened in the months leading up to June 2014, is when I was being zapped to try and coerce me to call the Irish police and tell them an IRA bomb attack was imminent. I thought (1) that does not make any sense and (2) if that is really true, surely they didn't need me to do it for them. I was reluctant, and endured the zapping. But I must say it makes me wonder...To add insult to injury, it was around Easter. On that theme, you must remember when I visited you in Germany around May last year, I asked you why you went to England as a teenager in the 80s. Did you think it was a strange question to ask? I was told to do so, but knew there was nothing to worry about. You weren't planning on the gun powder plot were you ?:) I thought it was laughably ridiculous, as I still do. I myself didn't understand at the time, but I do now, the term 'thought prompt' springs to mind, but you won't understand that unless you read my letter properly. It seems nationality is still enough to warrant indiscriminate mistreatment.
I will refer to my tormentors as Judge Dredd and Anderson. I get the impression one of them knows something about electronics and the other psychology, though both seem to indulge in the latter. They talk to me every day all day, often leaving me during tea breaks to be harassed by a machine or by constant hypnotic sounds masked as amplified background such as computer fans and the likes, which makes it hard to concentrate or else makes me feel sleepy, and of course I get my dose of meningal, Broca, eye or lung radiation therapy. I still don't know why they have selected me for this 'privilege'. I think it may be a form of eumetics. They never like to reveal anything definitively. But another personal detail I have learned about them in all this TALKING, is that they both served in Iraq in the first Gulf War and were captured POWs apparently. The intention of sharing this with me was to make me feel guilty for some reason. (I'm not sure I see the logic in this, my knowledge on the reasons for going to various wars are patchy at best.) They were holed up in a room for 6 months. I cannot deny that that is unpleasant. But at least their suffering is recognised by others. What they would have endured as POWs was temporary, what I am enduring and have gone through will affect me for life (still not sure if my testicles will ever be the same). Also I don't have the advantage of playing the heroic victim's sympathy card, mental illness will have to do, and I suspect some other 'natural' surprises will be in store for me in good time to complement the damage so far.
Understanding people in order to learn how to better manipulate them. Such joy. It does sound like a behavioural psychologist's indulgence in brute force 'Science': Treating people like pigs pressing buttons for food, only it's not food on offer. I am being 'manipulated' and obstructed in every aspect of life imaginable. Relationship, family, friends, career, and health. I am exploring options on what to do about this gradually, until I have exhausted them. Angela Merkel and Mary Robinson spring to mind. Especially in light of recent snooping. I'm starting to learn the differences between different divisions, first there's HUMINT, SIGINT, and then ELINT. I was reading that it was ELINT that pointed out Gaddafi's final position. Wondering how... Not necessarily through reverse engineering.
Anyway, would it be possible for me to come and visit you soon? Assuming I can even buy the ticket or check in of course. (Have been having an awful lot of problems with Ryanair and Easjet over the last 2 years, buying multiple tickets. It's cost me hundreds. Not so keen on Ryanair's security hubris.)
Regards,
[K.]
(Feel free to circulate.)
Desperately seeking help!
8 November 2015 at 19:59
Hello [*].
I am in a horrible and dangerous situation. I have sought help from so many people. It seems no one can or is even willing to help, lest they disturb there comfortable lives. I am being dismissed as mentally ill much to my fury. Meanwhile I am being radiated every single day and obstructed from doing anything whatsoever. I have not worked in months because of constantly being harassed and spoken to by 'intelligence' officers from MI6 as well as physically tortured remotely in some very painful ways. As a result I have lost my Ph.D. after not passing the transfer, even my masters is floating down the drain now, Eszter, and now my health, and I fear this will never stop until the bitter end. My brain, throat, leg, neck, back, and lungs are already damaged. Given the constant exposure I am guessing I will develop cancer either in the brain throat or lungs at some point in the future unless this stops. I really need help! Some days I am being hurt in the most painful ways in my brain alternating between the left-right front or back lobes, and I hear and feel pops inside my brain tissue which are accumulatively damaging, or else feel bursts of silent painful vibrations throughout my body. I am deteriorating as I suspect many others have before, and am in desperate need of help!
Please consider everything I have written here and on Facebook.
[*]
I would really appreciate if you could vouch for me, whether you as a respected physicist could refute anything I have written as being impossible. I understand these things so well now and find it insufferable that anyone could assume I don't know what is happening to my own body. I am thinking about talking to politicians or else going on television or radio about this here or abroad if I can, and it would be a big help if you might accompany me with this. Could we talk?
I should warn you. I have attempted to get attention from BBC and spoke to someone at their head quarters though I got no follow up. That same night my house mate blacked out at work during his night-shift, and has suffered neurological damage. He has had invasive brain surgery as a result and is still recovering. My nephew suffered a burst appendix a few days after, my brother's wife's mother had a major car accident, my father suffered a stroke after a certain conversation I had, and more... I feel helpless depressed and furious.
I [despise] the people who are doing this so much I want them dragged in the streets and thrown in a forgotten cell! They are glorified murderers even of innocent civilians [it seems]! They have lost focus of their original purpose: Counter-crime and terrorism, but instead are committing these in the most insidious ways. My own on-going painful experiences are indicative of that. Please help.
[K.]
PS: If anyone knows Richard Dawkins' personal email address, I am certain he would be interested in this too. Please forward.
Head to wall
13 November 2015 at 18:42
Your condescension knows no bounds. I regret that I shared this with you, but it is better that I did in case you experience something similar along with Mum or anyone else for that matter.
People DO need to know about this because it is a MURDER WEAPON that is being used, sometimes in the most flippant manner. Do not try and dismiss me as if I am confused or have any doubts. Your hubraistic IGNORANCE is so INFURIATING.
I have been mutilated inside and continue to be from time to time, I have been physically TORTURED! DO NOT try and tell me I am confusing this with something else. I am in DIALOGUE every minute of the day with these people. I know the source of my torment. They have ruined my life and are exploiting me! Both for experimentation and I SUSPECT for other reasons. The conclusion of this remains to be seen.